The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
