i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
