dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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