pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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