I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
