i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
