Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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