My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
