I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
