Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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