hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
