remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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