why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
