I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
