There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
