and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
