Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he shaved USA in his pubs
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
