I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
