Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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