ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I am available for nakedness
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
