Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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