I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
