i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
