I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
