some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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