chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
