I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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