You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
