it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
