everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize