He uses pillows to masturbate.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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