I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
