Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
