Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
