I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
