That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
