Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
