just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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