I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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