I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
