Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I looked at my own cervix.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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