So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
