At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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