she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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