All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
