it glows. i had to have it.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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