You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
