we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
