he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
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