he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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