Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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