Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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