hotel room ftw
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
