this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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