just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
