So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize