she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
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Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
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Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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