my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
