He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
