Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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