While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
