Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
