i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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