I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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