I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
