I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
