You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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