I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
