yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
im holly from the hills drunk
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
