My room smells like vodka and shame
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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