so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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