The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
