and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
