bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
