I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
