you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
