My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
