I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
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Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
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Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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