happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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