she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
