Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
